Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
