Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
