I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
