I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
