Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
