Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
