I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
