I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Enjoy the penises
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
