Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
