Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
