some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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