But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
