i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
