I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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