i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
