People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
