i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i would punch a child for taco bell
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
