dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
