Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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