how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
