im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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