I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
