It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
