I just saw a hot homeless man
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just forgot I was standing up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
