here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
