did you get engaged???
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
