drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize