Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
