At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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