I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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