I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
