A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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