sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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