Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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