You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just crazy horny about you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
