Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
