When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
