Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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