Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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