You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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