If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
