I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
