I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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