I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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