Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
