i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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