Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
