Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
