i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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