I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
