I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
