i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
