you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
