he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
