the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
