He kissed a someone with a penis
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
