Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
