Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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