If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
