just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
