The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
