Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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