I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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