conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
