I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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