i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
