It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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