The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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