like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
People in love make me want to vomit
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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