Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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