"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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