Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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