I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
