I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
