like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
