I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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